Anxious.
I remember the last time I felt this way. My heart is racing and I’m trying to calm it down. I hate feeling this way. I can not do this on my own….I need an outside source of help. This is not going to end bad I know but right now I don’t feel like moving. I’m seeing Tim Barry in hours…the show’s starting now and I’m late. I don’t care I’m anxious I feel all this anxiety manifesting itself in my heart as something ugly….no patience and I’m short tempered. I’d shave my head right now if I had the razor. This is not a cry for help. Just a vent, life’s hard and people are beautiful. I want to feel more beauty. This lump in my throat needs to go away. I feel like there’s a pressure on my heart that is over bearing.
It’s as though my heart feels like this giant bursting vessel most of the time and most of the time it’s pumping a healthy red blood that’s beautiful and pumps a loving blood through my veins. Right now something feels off and it’s like a sewer system. I’m trying to make this feeling go away, I colored a picture and I’m going to give it to a friend. I called it dark night of the heart. I’m praying for my stress to be taken away and to be calmed down and brought back to a place of love and beauty excitement and awe.
that will come soon but like an andrew jackson jihad song says.
Once an hour a day I get very sad
Once an hour a day I get depressed
When that hour is over I start to feel okay
because I’m reminded I’ll rot away, rot away.
I disagree with me rotting away, I believe when I die I’ll be made a new creation but right now I had about 2 hours of feeling sad. It’s starting to go away.
